Life is a quest for meaning and joy, love and connection. A quest for couples is a process to increase the connection, emotional engagement, communication and intimacy over time.
It occurred to me that offering session by session often lacks the commitment to achieve what couples really want. A Quest for Couples increases resource and then practice, practice, practice. Learning new skills, habits, and ways of being with one another takes time.
My mission is to empower couples to create relationships that thrive with increased commitment, love, joy, and purpose. I work with couples at every stage- dating, pre-marital, couples with children, in discernment, empty-nesters, and retirement dreamers.
“We are most alive when we’re in love.” John Updike
What is the Quest for Couples?
Quest for Couples is couples counseling and coaching over a 3, 6 or 12-month period. It is a personal journey of reflection, self -care, awareness, communication and intimacy building for couples. It includes the journey of steps forward, backward and then forward again- through the mess and challenge to the light and feeling of connection and resilience.
Traditional counseling misses the mark. Session by session without a clear path makes it difficult to feel progress or completion of goals. I have heard this complaint from couples I work with about their experiences counseling. They often share “we just talked about whatever came up that week, without a direction”. Whereas, the narrative of our lives is important- I believe it is also important to have a “map” building resource and skill.
Here is what is the Quest for Couples looks like:
We meet with the big picture in mind. What do you want to see accomplished through our work? How do you want to feel at the end of our initial 3, 6 or 12 months of the Quest? Do you want to feel seen and heard? Is there a sense of frustration, loneliness or boredom you want to overcome? How are you at managing conflict? Are you ready to become “masters” and not “disasters” of relationship?
What is the level of intimacy like- is it stale and uneventful or sexy and playful? Do you desire more fun and engagement with one another? These are common challenges couples face and reasons to embark on the Quest.
We meet to hear of your challenges, needs, and desires.
Assessment: We learn through your narrative and relationship history what you have treasured about one another and what the major issues are. In addition, I use the following:
The Relationship Checkup– This is a great, comprehensive assessment from the Gottman Institute to determine your strengths and challenges.
The Five Love Languages– This is a fun assessment to determine the ways you love receiving and expressing love.
Values in Action, The VIA identifies your character strengths. Others used are the DISC, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and the Clifton Strengths.
I believe that the more couples can learn about themselves and one another through these means is enlightening. It adds to the most valuable information of what you already know about the loves, preferences, quirks throughout your lives.
We create goals with exercises and homework to increase accountability. It is not enough to show up for couples counseling. The work couples do outside of the office is most important. I use Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, as an amazing evidenced-based guide to achieving increased awareness and the outcome we will use, along with a rich array of resources for optimal growth.
“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” Audrey Hepburn
What does this Quest include?
You are right to know the logistics and value ad.
A Quest includes face to face sessions, phone consultations, resource, education and follow-up.
A Quest for Couples is offered in three different packages:
Quarterly Six Months One Year
Trust and change are built in small moments over time.
Post-Evaluation and Maintenance
Together, we will evaluate progress and design next steps for support and sustainability.
What is your relationship worth to you?