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Reflect, Release and Reset for 2020

It is the 31st, New Year’s Eve 2019. What a year! I feel the transition from the Holidays to the resurge and promise awaiting us. To that end, I felt motivated to share with you my thoughts and a few questions that might help you reflect, release and reset for 2020 as you end 2019.

Reflect, Release and Reset for 2020
Here goes:
Reflect and Reset for 2020
Questions for Reflection:

What were the big milestones of 2019?

What were the things you are most grateful for? What brought you joy?

Who inspired you?

What books/movies/podcasts/music were most meaningful?

What are at least two things you accomplished?

How did you show up? How did you  “bring the joy”?

What were the challenges?

What did you learn?

 reflect release and reset 2020


As we savor these treasures for our treasure chest, it is important to release,  Create a clean slate for 2020. In mindfulness, we know if we are too busy looking behind or into the future, we miss what is right in front of us.

What are some of your hopes and dreams for 2020?  Consider these categories:

Describe/envision yourself—almost as if you’re painting a portrait of your life. As you step into this new decade: How do you show up in the world? How do you relate to/interact with others? How do you manage your energy? Care for yourself and come into balance? What are words that describe your vision for yourself? Renee’ Trudeau

Health and Well-Being: What are one or two things you would like to add or let go of to increase health?  Adding 10 minutes of meditation, a walk or two more a week, a little more time at the gym are manageable.

Relationships with Family and Friends- Perhaps a goal could be to be more patient and understanding with those we love.

Business and Workplace: What’s your business vision for 2020? It could be aspirational and culture-based, like spending more time getting to know members of the team, office, etc. Sharing more appreciation and recognition at work or increasing small and measurable challenges toward professional growth are worthy goals. How will you measure success?

Community- How do you want to show up? Is there a non-profit, neighborhood organization or project that calls to you?

set sail 2020

Set Your Sail:

1. Find Your Tribe: (s)
It has been such a pleasure to have created support teams with fellow women business owners (Women Rising) and Leadership Coaches. In my practice, we initiated our Emotion Coaching group for parents. This kind of support is incredibly helpful for personal, professional growth, accountability, and support.

2. Change things “just a little”
Goals don’t have to be big…though sometimes we may be ready to take a huge leap. Often, they can be such things as cooking more, adding an additional exercise, meditation practice or increasing connection with community or professional groups.

3. Take pleasure in small steps.
To get motivated for me often, means a nudge to get out of the comfort zone, and take…just…one…step. This helps me get to the gym, organize that space or do the thing

I wish to you all most importantly a healthy, peaceful, hopeful, connected, and prosperous  New Year!

“Believe in yourself. Dream. Try. Do Good.” Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World

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Keep the Peace in Any Season- Especially During The Holidays

It’s hard to keep the peace but especially during the holiday season. I happen to be one who loves the holiday season for the beauty and wonder it brings. I love the simplicity of the  Flagstaff Star every year on Veteran’s Day here in Boulder. The lights and color, the evergreen fragrance, the tree, music, community sharing and meaningful time with family and friends bring joy to me. Any reason to bring love, joy, peace, generosity,  goodwill, and connection to others is great.

What Are Some Challenges to Keep the Peace during the holidays?

Perfectionist Standards:

The image of the “ideal” holiday- whatever that means in décor, tradition, and festivity can dominate and increase anxiety.

Heightened emotion unravels and intensifies:

This causes even the most loving of relationships to need “do-over” moments. Regrettable things, though unintended can be hurtful.

Increased Stress:

Somehow, rather than savoring the goodness of the season, it is easy to get overwhelmed. This can turn into a burden rather than a joy.

Deeper Challenges Faced During The Holidays

Grief and Loss can be Magnified:

For those who are enduring death, divorce, health or increased stressors and challenges, this time of year can magnify the sadness and loss.  Because it can be so challenging to cope, you may feel you need simply to “cocoon”. Bring on the warm soup, tea, and blankets. (It’s no surprise that weighted blankets have become quite a “thing”)   Give permission to do exactly what you need. Reach out for support to avoid isolation.

Unrealistic Expectations/Obligations:

“Tis the Season” There may be many additional invitations and events to choose between and support.


Shame from feeling “not enough”:

Where there is “lack” there is a shame trigger. Orphaned parts of ourselves can truly raise their sad, angry or needy head. These parts are beckoning to be loved, especially during this time. Comfort and joy can heal from our increased kindness to self with hands over heart.

The holiday season can put undue financial pressure on families.  We clearly need a redefined and designed vision that focuses more on worthiness, simplicity, homemade, natural abundance and generosity. Don’t compare. Stay in your lane.

How Can We Cultivate  Peace and Joy During The Holiday Season?

I believe this is a season that ultimately celebrates light, love, and birth.

The light within illuminates through prayer and meditation, stillness, peace, and reflection. The light within can provide leadership, clarity, compassion, and calm. It can help us discern and make choices that align with our needs and values.

I have gathered thoughts and suggestions from clients, family, and of course my own experience, humbling as it may be.  Thank you to all contributors.

Here they are:

Create a Vision

First of all, how do you want to feel at the end of the season and as you go through it? Would you like to feel calm, connected as a team with your partner?  Likewise, would you love more time cuddling on the couch?

Complete the sentence…what I would love would be…..or wouldn’t be nice if……..

Prioritize Well-Being :

Self-care is of paramount importance. In busy times, it is the thing most likely to be sacrificed. Maintaining healthy nutrition, exercise, mindful practice, social support is so important. Because of this, prioritize your most important relationships. Turn toward and stay connected.

Be Clear :

What is important to you? No one can read your mind. Share how you would love for things to look and be.

Reset :

Let go of the stress and bring laughter,  joy, and playfulness. Dancing around to your favorite tunes, or flirting with one another through any task can ease tension and increase connection.

Find the Free Events :

There is so much offered for a low-cost budget to enjoy. Concerts, outdoor events, game night, cookie decorating, or peaceful evenings at home are all accessible.

Spread It Out:

Not everything needs to be celebrated in a three-week window. Planning something in January or later for friends or gatherings could be a great way to have something to look forward to.

Navigate imperfect moments:

There are bound to be plenty. What we focus on expands, so focus on the positive experiences, rather than disappoints. If there is a SNAFU or rupture between people- do this:

Slooowww Down, Stop, Breathe, Choose :

The next best response and reparative gesture or comment is a choice from a place of calm, kindness and clarity. For this challenge, regulate your EQ and nervous system. Stopping and take 3 deep breaths can help us during times like this, rather than “flipping our lid”.   Take a time out with the reassurance of coming back.

Furthermore, harmony, disharmony, and repair are processes important in daily life for the myriad of small conflicts we run into. Let’s be masters navigating these imperfect moments.

“Harmony. Disharmony. Repair”. Terry Real

Repair, Repair, Repair:

If stress or personalities get entangled, words cross or regret sets in, apologize and reset. Consequently, we need to let go of grudges, resentments or comparisons. Let in love, empathy, respect, difference, and understanding.

“Imperfections are not inadequacies. They are reminders that we are all in this  together.” Brene’ Brown

I love Brene’ Brown’s book. The Gift of Imperfection.  Imperfection is actually what bonds us together. Let’s handle it gracefully and with ease and reassurance rather than rupture and disrepair, gossip, division, and separation.

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I wish all a Peaceful, Joy and Love- Filled Holiday!


Brene’ Brown, PhD.

Terry Real, Relationship Therapist,